Sunday, November 29, 2009

Tell The Coroner

Recently I decided to move some equipment around in my office. I picked up my computer and wrapped the cord around my neck so I could carry it. While going up the stairs I stepped on the cord and choked myself. I grabbed the rail and came within a breath of falling down the stairs. Should this ever happen again tell the coroner that it was an accident, no foul play.

After I recovered I moved the copier, replaced the toner and proceeded to the office supply store to buy new cords, longer trip proof cord this time and maybe a new scarf to hide the choking bruises. While driving away from the store I saw my reflection. I had a streak of black toner from top to bottom of one side of my face. I thought when people were waving at me it was because they were fans of my Blog. Toner is very hard to get off, it only gets worse when you smear it. It was starting to look like an Al Jolson minstrel show. I hit the curb and nearly had a wreck. Should this ever happen again tell the coroner it was an accident, no foul play.

If I die from a chemical burn from a hair dying mixture gone wrong, tell the coroner it was an accident. If I die in a diabetic coma from a Red Hot Candy overdose tell the coroner it was an accident. If I fall in another man hole tell the coroner it was not an accident, my dog Chopper pushed me.

Life is fragile and I do not take my days for granted. I look forward to seeing Jesus face to face someday. I can only hope when I stand in glory I still have all my hair and both eyebrows. I think heaven is a place of restoration. I think we will get to see ourselves the way Jesus meant for us to be. What was missing will be restored, what was lost will be found, no accident.


  1. Hi Lori! I love your writings. They are hillarious. You are one sweet lady. I am sending you the 3rd short story today. It isn't a sad one. I think the humor of it is right down your alley.

    If you are ever in the Franklin area, I would love to meet you. My kids think that you are awesome, caring and loving. Phone # is 790-0378


    Gramps Heimermann

  2. I both laughed and cringed with fear for my dear friend as I read this! You make your life stories really come alive!


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