Sunday, November 22, 2009

The Eyes Have It

As an average looking woman when I get a compliment I tend to believe it. Why would they make it up, I’m no Super Model? “Nice toes” (o..k..), “What straight teeth” (yep, cheese is my favorite word), “You’re not fat “ (let’s face it, that’s my only real goal in life, I’m shallow). So when I went to an event the other day and a woman said, “You have eyes like Elizabeth Taylor” I thought WOW, I knew I had to have at least one movie star quality, it sure wasn’t my hair. I didn’t ask her the last time she had her prescription adjusted. I didn’t ask her if she meant Liz now or then. It went straight to my head because I wanted to believe it. All day I went around fluttering my eyes just in case the word hadn’t spread and they could pick up my subliminal message. People were looking and I am not sure why they kept pointing to the eye drop aisle in the store.

In a sick irony the very next morning I woke up with one eye swollen shut. It was some kind of clogged gland or some such medical term. I went from Liz Eyes to Lizard Eye overnight! I called the doctor’s answering service because of course it was Saturday. The doctor called me back and said I should sleep sitting UP so the fluid wouldn’t collect. What?! Did I leave a message with my exboyfriend by mistake and this was his payback? Sleeping sitting up isn’t sleeping, it’s lounging between back aches. I'm pretty sure it’s the step before water boarding. After 4 nights of that I am at least half way through Navy Seal Certification. Piece of cake if I could manage to sharp shoot out of my good eye.

I have heard the verse many times: Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain. I always thought that verse was for Those People, Those Trophy Girls, not me. Vanity can be the smallest thing. As a matter of fact I am sure it starts with a small item and spreads. Now that I have been from the Penthouse to the Basement of Self Centered Vanity I should start thinking about how I see the world not how the world sees me. What do I see with my heart? If I lost my toes, my teeth or my eyes tomorrow could I still be known for my heart? I’ll vote for that pursuit. The eyes have it.


  1. "People were looking and I am not sure why they kept pointing to the eye drop aisle in the store."


  2. Ahh... getting down to matters of the heart... the hard way. There's a good bit of spunk lurking in the mud of humility... and it's a think of beauty.

  3. It's still funny even after hearing and seeing while it was happening...keep 'em comin', Lori.

  4. Hey Lori! You are a winner when it comes to humor. You need to write a book. It's not easy making fun of yourself. I do it all the time in my family newsletters.

    I don't know if you know my other daughter, Chris (we call her Risty), but she and her husband, Don, are in the book publishing business. They would have a field day with your stuff.




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